This article responds to a question raised by one of my readers: "How do we handle the loss of a loved one?" There are no easy answers. There are stages of grief that one must go through—denial, resistance, anger, depression, grief, and finally accepting the situation.
To help navigate this process, there are many resources available. The therapeutic process can be beneficial, or one can talk to someone older and wiser who has gone through similar experiences and will be supportive without offering empty platitudes like "Time will heal." The truth is that time does not heal; time creates distance from the pain so that one can deal with it psychologically.
Even if you consider yourself spiritual, there are times when we all need a helping hand, and seeking support is completely acceptable.
Once some psychological work has been done, either by yourself or with the help of a friend or therapist, the spiritual attitude that will help the most is developing a sense of acceptance and surrendering to Ishwara, to God. This understanding recognises that this is karma: everyone comes into this world alone and leaves alone. This is Ishwara's divine order functioning in the world. Therefore, ‘I surrender to it and accept it.’
With this acceptance comes a certain amount of freedom. Of course, ‘I will still miss the person’, but the acute pain will subside. If the acceptance is complete, the painful void in our hearts will be replaced with all the beautiful memories we shared with our loved ones.
This topic is too vast to cover comprehensively in a short article, but certain insights can guide us. The main point is that one must allow oneself to grieve. Not all tears are harmful—in cases like this, tears can indeed be healing.
I have seen people sitting in front of the Lord in their puja room, crying their hearts out, and emerging with a sense of acceptance. This surrender and faith in Ishwara helps one deal with grief on a practical level.
(The writer is the founder of Aarsha Vidya Foundation. You can write to him at aarshavidyaf@gmail.com)
