All individuals, regardless of the circumstances of their upbringing, carry certain degrees of narcissism in them. However, when the tendency to disregard other’s emotions heightens to such an extent that you can no longer develop or maintain healthy working or personal relationships, it becomes a concern. These behaviours often sprout as a result of unfavourable environmental, genetic and neurobiological factors.
Narcissism is a spectrum, which when laid out, carries both extreme and relaxed ends. “Malignant narcissism is a severe form of narcissism that combines traits of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) with antisocial behaviour, aggression, and a lack of empathy. Individuals with this condition often display a need for control, manipulativeness, and a willingness to harm others to maintain their sense of superiority,” says Dr Prakhar D Jain, Consultant Psychiatrist at Breach Candy Hospital and Bombay Hospital.
It’s relatively convenient for victims of overcautious or neglectful parenting to hide their feelings of insecurity, shame and failure. This tendency overtly expresses itself via a constant need to be doted upon, an expectation to feel privileged, ballooning achievements to bigger than what they are and a constant feeling of envy towards others or believing others envy them. It’s particularly difficult for such people to seek reclusive help in the form of therapy since they view it as an attack on their own sense of self-esteem and superiority.
Here are a few ways to change unhealthy narcissistic behaviours through self-mediation:
Triggers
The first step in the roadmap to a less narcissistic version of you starts with identifying what fuels your unhealthy behaviour. These tip-off points, known as “triggers”, are the key to understanding why and when negative emotions tend to cloud your judgement. “Begin by observing moments when you crave attention or belittle others, and ask yourself, "Am I focusing too much on my needs?" says Dr Jain. If possible, maintain a notebook to note down information collected through your observations over the course of the day. Once you’ve identified isolated triggers, move on to recognising whole situations that make you lose control. This will help identify unhealthy behaviours that must be changed.
Power of imagination
It can be quite powerful to prep your nerves for a situation before encountering it in real life. Once you’ve identified your triggers, create a visual image of the scenario and play out your response step-by-step. When you’ve achieved this, you’ll be confident enough to take charge of your own emotions and feel prepared for what’s to come. Indulging in role-play with a trusted individual can also help since it allows you to be prepared for scenarios that you couldn’t think of yourself. Practising regularly and diligently using the power of your imagination keeps you better prepared for reality.
Fresh response mechanism
Imbibing a new set of healthy responses takes time but yields significant results. Due to years of looking away from the problem, your brain is now hardwired to only respond in a select few ways to any situation you encounter. Changing these familiar inner patterns, hence, takes time and practise to achieve. Before responding to any situation, take a 20-second break and three deep breaths to collect your thoughts. This will help avoid eliciting a learned response that you are bound to regret later. Remember the last time you faced a situation similar to the one you’re currently in and try to give a practised response rather than a natural one.
Empathy and criticism
Dr Jain says, “Developing empathy is crucial. This involves making a conscious effort to understand and respond to others' feelings through active listening and emotional validation.” A severe lack of empathy and inability or unwillingness to take criticism are hallmark features of narcissism. “Rather than reacting defensively, try to view feedback as an opportunity for growth and practice saying, “Thank you for your feedback,” even when it feels uncomfortable. Learning to share the spotlight is another valuable strategy—celebrate others’ successes and allow them their moments, instead of directing all attention toward yourself,” he adds.
Review and improve
As stated, unhealthy behaviours take time to replace. Hence, it’s important to keep reviewing your situation at periodic gaps. Acknowledge improvements as and when they happen by putting a checkmark in front of your list of triggers every time you overcome one of them. This exercise will help infuse a sense of positive self-esteem and ultimately overcome narcissistic attitudes in the long run. “If you notice these signs in yourself or in someone close to you, seeking help from a mental health professional can be a crucial step forward. Therapy can provide valuable support in improving self-awareness, communication, and emotional regulation,” says Dr Jain.
Although self-improvement can make matters better up to a certain extent, a concrete long-term solution requires seeking assistance from a qualified medical professional such as a therapist to be the best possible version of yourself.
