On Sunday morning, Sandeep Gupta (name changed) joined 26 other men in a 'pind daan' ritual at Banganga tank at Walkeshwar, a popular spot for after-death rites among Hindus.
The day was part of the pitru paksha fortnight when families offer homage to the souls of relatives who have passed away. However, Gupta, 40, like the other men at the tank, was there to perform the pind daan of his estranged wife who has has filed a demand for maintenanceb. Vaastav Foundation, a not-for-profit group which organised the ritual, said that though Hindu marriage laws recognise divorce, scriptures do not. So when a marriage breaks down, the question arises: what happens to the relationship?
The Gender Debate
Amit Deshpande, president of Vaastav Foundation, founded 12 years ago to provide legal assistance to men fighting false accusations of sexual and mental harassment, said the slow judicial process exacerbates the suffering of men. "They lose their wives and children and spend years fighting false cases, leading to mental degradation. Some men even resort to suicide,” said Deshpande. “To provide a way out for such men and help them move on from this limbo, we conduct a therapeutic practice called 'pinda daan of relationships.' This ritual gives men a sense of closure.”
Gupta, a resident of Sion who works as a helper, said that the ritual left him with a sense of tranquility after 15 years of attending court hearings. “I did not know whether I was married or single. My wife refused a divorce but left me two months after the wedding, saying that she was forced into the marriage by her parents. The case has affected me and my family. I am depressed and had contemplated suicide,” said Gupta.
Vaastav Foundation agrees that in a largely patriarchal society, women form the majority of victims of marital abuse. “However, while women have recourse to special laws and forums like the women's commission, men who face false allegations of abuse by their partners or wives do not have any such support. In our society, there is a lack of effort to understand the problems faced by men,” said Deshpande.
Legal Context
Vaastav Foundation, which provides counseling and emotional support to men facing false criminal charges, has been campaigning for the establishment of a men's rights organisation on the lines of the women's commission. Despande said that despite the fact that a quarter of suicides among men are related to marital and family discord, there is very little empathy for their cause.
A study by Vaastav Foundation done with the help of a student pursuing a doctorate suggested that 24% of cases of suicide among married men in India were related to marital and family discord, a percentage similar to that of men killing themselves because of illnesses. Data from the National Crime Records Bureau said that suicide rate among men due to reasons related to marriage was 0.68 per 100,000 annually, almost similar to 0.67 for the same reason among women. Overall, men accounted for 72.5% of all suicides in 2021.
Conviction rates for cases filed under section 498A of the Indian Penal Code, now section 85 and 86 of the Bharatiya Nyaya Sanhita, 2023, for cruelty on women by husband and in-laws hovers around 16%. Men's rights organisations point to this abysmal conviction rate to support their claim that a large number of cases under these sections are false.
Systemic Failures in Justice Delivery
However, women's rights groups said that the reason why conviction rates are low is the fact that registered cases are just the tip of the iceberg. Audrey Dmello, director of Majlis, a team of lawyers and social workers providing legal and social support to women and child victims of domestic abuse, said that women are under pressure to settle marital discord cases. “This means that most cases are not followed up. Even if the cases reach the trial stage, the case suffers because of shoddy investigation by the police. We cannot decide whether cases are false based on the rates of conviction. Rape cases have a similar low rate of conviction,” said Dmello.
Audrey Dmello |
“I agree that emotionally, such cases can be extremely traumatic for men and women. But a 15-year-old dispute is an example of how our courts are functioning. Point the finger where it deserves. If it is a false case, it is the job of the court to prove it, Do not blame the women,” Dmello added.
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