My son got married four years ago as per Christian traditions. Till date, the marriage has not been consummated. My daughter-in-law, who is highly educated, does not let my son even touch her. He loves her nevertheless and does not want to divorce her. But he is suffering in silence. What is the way out? —MA, Deonar
A man, when he is unable to consummate his marriage, suffers in silence and often feels depressed, as it affects his self-esteem. It takes a lot of courage to talk about this. Unconsummated marriages are not uncommon but need to be addressed medically by a sexologist; timely help can truly work wonders. However, if left unattended, it can lead to relationship issues.
There are female sexual problems too that need to be addressed by a competent sexologist. Vaginismus is one of the most common reasons, where the woman tightens her legs and feels scared of penetration. This is an involuntary response; she may love her husband and want to have sex, but she simply cannot. Other reasons stem from lack of sex education, cultural or religious beliefs, past trauma, fear, anxiety or unresolved emotions.
Sexual incompatibility can also play a role. Talk to your son and guide him to visit a sexologist who can address both partners individually. Couple therapy can help as well. You can read more on mydoctortells.com/uc
My wife is 64 and I am 70. Her vagina is very dry even after foreplay. She is not aroused. She is a diabetic and does not want to visit a doctor. —SD, Bandra
Sexual intercourse can be painful due to vaginal dryness, which causes burning and discomfort. As a result, she may not feel pleasure the way she once did. Lack of satisfaction and painful sex can gradually switch off her desire for intimacy.
Dryness may be caused by diabetes (which affects the vaginal nerves) or menopause (which leads to decreased estrogen). Other health conditions, emotional stress and cultural beliefs also affect mood and comfort. Many women believe there is no sex life after menopause; this myth needs to be broken. Sex is not just about intercourse. What matters is understanding how she wants to be loved. Support her in maintaining her sugar levels, stay active with her and revisit little joys like romantic movies. Use a lubricating gel if she is comfortable with it. Note: The brain is the most powerful sex organ.
Dr Hetal Gosalia, Samadhan Health Studio. Queries may be sent to fpj.sexmatters@gmail.com
