I have been married for the past eight years and have had a normal sex life. But of late, I am not interested in sex at all. My wife says it could be due to extreme stress at work. Could that be the reason? UM, Vile Parle
A wife is like Wi-Fi, sensing some changes in you. Waxing and waning of desire is not uncommon. The graph never remains the same. Common reasons can be a physical illness, so get yourself checked for all basic parameters like blood sugar, blood pressure, thyroid, testosterone, etc., and psychological factors like stress, workload, family atmosphere, unresolved conflicts play a role too. Sit in silence and figure out what is bothering you internally.
The commonest reason after a few years of married life is the repetition of the same style in bed, leading to routine and boredom. Try including novelty by considering lifestyle changes like exercise, dancing, etc. and focus on rebuilding the intimacy. Spend quality time with open talking. Light massages are very relaxing too. Men are very sensitive to their penis, so any erection issues may develop performance pressure, thereby feeling low, leading to avoidance mechanisms. Couple therapy works wonders. It is wise to take professional help, which will eventually enhance your sexual life.
I am a 26-year-old woman. My husband completely stops showing interest in me the moment he gets his orgasm. I find this upsetting. KB, Khar
I recollect many women saying, “Teach my man how to satisfy a woman”. It is a very common complaint. Let us understand the male psyche. Men are done when they ejaculate, which can be within a minute or two. They focus on the number of times they perform and how long they perform. They are simply unaware of female desires and don’t know how to satisfy a woman. It is you who will have to talk openly to him and communicate what satisfies you.
The female psyche is more about romance. Understand for yourself what your passions are, and masturbate to feel your orgasm. Once you know what you want, talk and express. Do not expect him to know automatically. In short, take charge of your sexual desires and feel free to guide him.
My female partner wants both of us to ejaculate together during intercourse. But often this does not happen. What is the solution? VH, Thane
Aahhh! It is a dream of every loving couple. Simultaneous orgasm is possible where both go orgasmic together, having an enjoyable experience of togetherness. However, it is not a compulsion for complete satisfaction. Each one has its own arousal timings as per the excitement levels. Understanding each other’s bodily responses is very important. A man must first give an orgasm to the partner through enough foreplay and stimulating the clitoris. He must practise to withhold his ejaculation.
So that when she cums, he too can release during Intercourse. Men are like an ever-charged battery as they ejaculate within 5 minutes, whereas the female is not yet ready. It is all a matter of focused process and can be achieved over a period of time. Wise is to aim at ‘pleasure giving and pleasure receiving’ and let the body throw itself at its pace.
Dr Hetal Gosalia Samadhan Health Studio. Queries may be sent to fpj.sexmatters@gmail.com
