Talking About Sex: Why Communication Is Key In Relationships

My husband says he gets more pleasure when he has intercourse during my periods. I find this disgusting. What should I do? PK, Juhu

Most men have their own sexual fantasy. Having sex during periods might be his fantasy. He just wants to have happy satisfying intercourse with you. Please do not judge him. Decide a time to talk things over with him. He may not be knowing that you feel disgusted. Make him aware of your feelings by speaking up. Don’t expect him to understand your needs automatically. In the long run, your keeping quiet today will disrupt the intimacy and affect the relationship as the feeling of disgust will gradually prevent you from getting intimate with him. He is your life-partner, so share your likes and dislikes. Just to bring to your knowledge, blood acts as extra lubrication during intercourse and some women actually enjoy it more. Sex must be a mutual act where both partners enjoy it equally.

I suffer from premature ejaculation. Is there any medicine for it? IS, Dongri

Yes, there are medicines to deal with early ejaculation. However, first take note that the normal timing is one to three minutes. It is not as shown in porn. I don’t know on what basis you label yourself as having premature ejaculation. There are exercises that really help if you are young. Practice kegel exercises and ‘start and stop’ technique, which really work wonders. Do not self-medicate. You need to take action if you are ejaculating too early, or even before insertion of the penis in the vagina, if newly married, if it is affecting your relationship. Best is to visit a sexologist and take treatment under proper guidance. Couple therapy works beautifully. You can even read on: https://mydoctortells.com/pe/

I am newly married and hate oral sex. However, my husband insists on it every time we have sex. Please advise. ST, Sion

Wish you a beautiful, blessed married life. Speak, speak, speak for yourself. You have a right to say ‘no’. He is your hubby who loves and respects you. Tell him you are not okay with oral sex at this moment. Over time, you may become comfortable. Couples enjoy oral sex and it is a simple way of having orgasm without intercourse, thus avoiding the stress of pregnancy. It is not dirty or wrong. It is new for you and one takes time to flow. If you do it under pressure, it will eventually harm you. Your mood for sex may decrease with time. All dream of sex and have fantasies, which is very normal. Communicating the right emotion at the right time is the mantra of a happy sex life. Share what you like and learn what he likes. Mutual give and take will enrich it.

Dr Hetal Gosalia, Samadhan Health Studio. Queries may be sent to fpj.sexmatters@gmail.com