Sexual Confessions, First-Night Anxieties & Myths Around Premature Ejaculation - Answered

Recently my husband shocked me by saying that he gets an erection only if thinks of his girlfriend before Intercourse with me. Since then I have stopped sharing the bed with him. Am I doing the right thing? P.K, Andheri

Not sharing a bed with him doesn't solve your problem nor does it dissolve your hurt. Communication is the key. Talk to him and pour your heart out without blaming him or pointing fingers at him. Then listen to him in detail. All men have their own fantasies. Let him not pay a price for just expressing himself openly to you. Regarding his girlfriend, is it present or is it some past? Talk over. Closing yourself off will drift you both more apart. Intimacy is the main glue of a happy married life. Lastly, do not hesitate to seek help from a marriage counsellor if needed.

I come from an orthodox background where sex is viewed as sin. I don't know how I am going to face my first night, which is a month away. Pl guide. M.F, Dadar

Sex is a sacred act if performed with the person you marry. Sex before marriage and sex out of marriage is considered a sin religiously. It is natural and normal to feel the conflict in mind as we all have grown up with religious and cultural background and some socioeconomic beliefs. However, you need to align your thoughts. Otherwise, it will be difficult for you, not only on the first night but also in daily married life, as sex is the most integral part of marriage. Talking to the person whom you are close to, who has high values and morals, you believe, may relieve you. Premarriage counselling will also work best for you. It will give you a neutral ground to express and discuss your core beliefs without being judged.

My husband is planning to go in for circumcision because his friend told him that it will solve his problem of premature ejaculation. Is it true? S.I, Cuffe Parade

No, circumcision does not solve Premature Ejaculation (PE). By consulting a sexologist for the treatment of PE, you will be doing The Best Thing For Yourself And Your Lover. If the man is scared, he may have a rapid discharge. So, it is better to meet a doctor. One is never too old to heal. If he feels immense guilt because he cannot last long, then whatever be the age, it is advisable to opt for the therapy. Please, visit a Sex Therapist before PE becomes a major problem in your life, causing discord and dissatisfaction in your relationship.

Dr Hetal Gosalia, Samadhan Health Studio. Queries may be sent to fpj.sexmatters@gmail.com

Published on: Monday, September 08, 2025, 03:19 PM IST