How Divorce Affects A Child's Mental Health: Unspoken Truths Revealed
This time, the focus was on a subject that many Indian homes hesitate to address openly: how parental conflict, separation, and divorce shape a child’s emotional world
Much Much Media released the fifth episode of its Hindi series Parenting Aaj Kal, hosted by developmental pediatrician Dr. Vibha Krishnamurthy. This time, the focus was on a subject that many Indian homes hesitate to address openly: how parental conflict, separation, and divorce shape a child’s emotional world -and what parents can do to reduce harm.
Joining Dr. Vibha were mental health professional Priyanka Shah (counselor and psychologist) and disability professional Rachit Pandey, who brought both expertise and lived experience to the table. From the fears children feel when voices are raised to practical scripts for explaining “two homes” to a child, the conversation was candid, grounded, and deeply empathetic.
“One out of three marriages in India end in divorce,” the episode begins starkly, setting the tone for an unflinching exploration.
Conflict is normal-Repair makes the difference
One of the core messages repeated in the episode is that disagreements are a universal part of relationships. The harm comes not from the conflict itself but from how adults argue and what happens next. “There is no such marriage where there is no conflict,” Priyanka Shah emphasises. “What kind of conflict it is- and what parents do after that- makes all the difference.”
Children are highly attuned to tone, body language, and emotional shifts. Silent treatment, stonewalling, or belittling each other in front of them can erode their sense of security. In contrast, visible reconciliation and accountability help restore trust.Dr. Vibha puts it simply,“Conflicts are normal in families. Children see the fight- what they need to see is the repair.”
What kids actually feel when arents fight?
Rachit Pandey’s personal account brought the conversation into sharper focus. “As a child, when voices rose, I felt I had to fix it. My fear was- please, no one leave me.”
The experts note that children often default to three emotions when they witness parental fights: fear, confusion, and self-blame. Some even try to mediate, believing the conflict is somehow their fault. Here, clear communication is essential. Parents should explicitly tell children, “This is between us. You’re safe. This is not your fault.”
The crucial ‘Talk After’ the fight
The conversation doesn’t end when tempers cool. In fact, what happens after a disagreement can have a lasting impact.
Children look for signs of repair: a calmer tone, acknowledgment of mistakes, and a visible return to normalcy. Silent treatment between parents or ongoing coldness leaves children in a state of uncertainty.
Priyanka advises parents to check in with kids after conflicts- not to over-explain adult issues, but to reaffirm safety and stability.
Two homes, one child- honesty withoutoOverload
In separated or divorced families, children eventually ask, “Why do I have two houses?” The guidance here is to be honest, brief, and consistent. A suggested script, “We’re happier and can be better parents this way.”
This, however, must be matched by consistent parenting across households. No badmouthing the other parent, no using the child as a messenger, and no making them feel like they have to “choose” sides.
Some well-meaning but damaging phrases put undue emotional weight on children. Lines like “I’m alive only for you” or criticism of the other parent in front of the child load them with adult burdens. These messages deepen insecurity and, in the long term, can distort a child’s understanding of relationships.
Siblings, society, and boundaries
Sibling dynamics can be a microcosm of parental conflict. Rather than acting as constant referees, parents should set clear safety rules (no hitting, no abusive language), encourage perspective-taking, and spend one-on-one time with each child to reinforce individual bonds.
The panel also addressed the role of extended family and society. Parents should set firm boundaries against gossip and shaming. As Dr. Vibha notes, “No one has the right to speak poorly about our family” -a stance that protects children from stigma.
Why this episode matters
In a culture where family image often takes priority over children’s emotional reality, Parenting Aaj Kal’s fifth episode offers an unvarnished look at what kids see, hear, and internalise when parents fight or separate.
With its mix of professional expertise and lived experience, the episode delivers not just theory but practical scripts, mindsets, and actionable strategies- tools Indian parents can use to help children feel safe, loved, and emotionally steady even when family structures change.
As Rachit Pandey’s words remind us, “When voices got loud, the only thought I had was: I hope no one leaves me.” In that moment, the choice parents make- to repair or to retreat- can shape a child’s sense of security for life.
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