Dating A 'Less Attractive' Partner For A Happy Relationship? You Might Be 'Shrekking'

A quirky new dating term inspired by the animated classic Shrek is making waves online, but not in the way fans of the film might expect. Known as “Shrekking,” the trend is being used to describe entering a relationship with someone perceived as “less attractive” in hopes of finding lasting happiness. While it may sound playful, experts caution that the concept is problematic and could harm one’s mental well-being.

What does 'Shrekking' really mean?

In the Shrek storyline, the ogre Shrek wins the love of Princess Fiona, proving that beauty isn’t everything. However, the modern dating spin on “Shrekking” flips this message on its head. It refers to intentionally dating someone who is considered less physically attractive, assuming that the relationship will be easier or more fulfilling.

Dating coach Amy Chan, author of Breakup Bootcamp: The Science of Rewiring Your Heart, explained it bluntly to USA Today, “In this plotline, you’re dating an ogre without the princess treatment.”

She further clarified that while prioritising qualities beyond appearance can be healthy, the idea of “dating down” just for security can backfire. Many people wrongly believe that being with a partner who is less conventionally attractive guarantees better treatment, which isn’t necessarily true.

Why 'Shrekking' can be harmful?

Experts point out that the main flaw in this trend is its focus on appearances rather than compatibility. Judging a partner primarily by looks ignores deeper qualities such as kindness, values, and emotional availability.

Relationship expert Emma Hathorn noted that stepping outside one’s “type” can be positive, but doing it with the wrong mindset often leads to regret. True connection, she explained, develops when two people share similar goals and values, not when one person believes they are “settling” in exchange for loyalty.

Additionally, experts warn that “Shrekking” could discourage people from exploring meaningful relationships outside of superficial attraction, reinforcing narrow standards of what dating should look like.

What to do if you’ve been 'Shrekked'

According to Chan, the solution isn’t to go back to only dating conventionally attractive people. Instead, individuals should focus on developing better relationship assessment skills. This means looking for qualities like emotional maturity, shared values, and long-term compatibility.

“Physical attraction matters in romantic relationships,” Chan emphasized, “but it shouldn’t be the inverse predictor of good treatment that some people assume it to be.”

In other words, instead of lowering your standards based on looks, the focus should be on raising your standards for character.

The bigger picture of dating trends

The rise of “Shrekking” reflects a broader truth: modern dating has become so complex that people constantly invent new terms to explain their experiences. While the trend may sound humorous, it highlights the frustration many feel navigating love in the age of apps, filters, and shifting expectations.